(i dunno where this entry is gonna end up, so i’ll start by saying that you should come gambling with laz and i next monday afternoon. oh, and donna should be home — seriously this time! — thursday evening. woo!)
the news of my impending departure from my non-bookstore gig is starting to spread around the office. the whole “so, what are you gonna do now?” question is beginning to grate — mainly b/c i don’t really have an answer yet. and since i’ve long given up on actively making new year’s resolutions, i can’t just say that i resolve to get a kick-ass job in ‘05. it’s not that easy.
i was looking at some help-wanted ads earlier tonight and found myself wondering if i’ve really over-educated myself with these dual master degrees that i still don’t have the official paperwork for. i mean, there are jobs out there that if i didn’t have an mba, i think i’d be perfect for, but now, i think i’d be overqualified and/or bored by the position. it’s the main reason i’m leaving this gig — working as an admin full-time in a field that i’m not all that interested in and that offers no upward mobility unless i go back to school again is not something i want to do.
i kinda wish i did, though. there have been a couple of times since i first mentioned leaving to my soon-to-be former supervisor that i’ve thought that hey, i can do this full-time for a while. i could actually be making money and we could have that whole dual income thing going on.
but i know i’d be miserable. i wish i wasn’t so fucking self-aware sometimes; it’d make it easier for me to plod along and not aim higher, you know? but no. i’m a type a-minus personality and i know good and well that there’s a primo position out there with my name on it.
i feel like i should have more answers. people find out that i’m done with grad school and automatically assume that i’ve already landed a high-paying gig and will be happy ever after. the thing is, though, i’m not even sure i want a high-paying gig. let’s be real…yeah, i wanna make money, but i don’t want the stress associated with pulling down major dollars. i don’t think i can take it…not that i’m a punk, just that i kinda like my health, screwed up as it already is.
i feel like i should know what i wanna be when i grow up. a fellow mba friend of mine asked me last week what my interests were in terms of careers. i haven’t answered her yet. not sure i can. there’s so much i wanna do…so much i know i can do, and i feel like i’m still young enough to try my hand at it all.
but, fuck, man, i can’t even get an interview. which particularly blows for a few positions/organizations that i’ve applied for that i’d be thrilled to work in. i can’t stand that, yo. i know it’s happened to a lot of people — you find your dream job, right? i mean, whoever wrote the job description must have read your mind b/c it’s such a great fit. you craft the most awesomely perfect resume and cover letter EVER. your samples and references are impeccable. you send everything out knowing that if you were the hiring manager, you’d totally give yourself the job.
and then, nothing. sometimes you luck out and get the “thanks but no thanks” letter or email. more often than not, though, all you hear are crickets.
i think that’s one of the things that’s making me so bloody selective about jobs i’m applying for. i don’t deal with rejection well (there’s that fucking self-awareness thing again) and subconsciously, i think it would totally fucking suck if i applied for a job that i know i could do with my eyes closed and one hand behind my back — especially if it’s a job i’ve done before — and didn’t get it. yes, it’d hurt in terms of the whole “dude, i have an mba: wtf do you mean i’m not qualified” thing, but it would really really blow in terms of being invalidated. like, yeah, we know you did this exact same thing 6 months/2 years/whatever period of time ago, but you didn’t really expect us to hire you, did you?
why the fuck must there be such a disconnect b/t the lives we think we want and the lives we actually have? i’m not asking for much, really…just a full-time gig in a field that i’m interested in that won’t make me travel that much and i won’t be completely bored and/or pissed off by w/in the first 6 months. i mean, i can totally deal with the rest of my life later, right?
I shouldn’t complain since I’ve had steady jobs (and decent ones at that) since immediately after graduation, but that doesn’t stop me. I can sympathize totally, as I’m in a job I like, but yeah, kind of feel is “beneath” where I SHOULD be, and where I know I CAN be. I just could never break through in pittsburgh. Like that Blackhawks job I applied to in the Chicago suburbs a couple years ago – it was PERFECT. It was EXACTLY the type of job I wanted to break into the Chicago market, and I was overqualified for it. Yet I got blown off completely. And the guy they DID hire? Not even very good.
There’s nothing – NOTHING – the opposite sex can do that’s as big a blow to the ego as finding the perfect job, knowing you’re qualified, if not overqualified, for it, sending out your stuff, and then not even getting a response. Not even an interview. Not even a simple rejection letter. To be thought so little of that you don’t even warrant an e-mail back.
But that doesn’t mean you should stop sending stuff out. Just keep sending stuff out till your numb to the pain of rejection. I’ve been ignored by so many papers, I don’t even flinch anymore. Just keep sending shit out – eventually you’ll find the right job, the right boss, the right place, and you’ll be completely content.
At least, I hope so. Because I’m counting on the same thing.
I would like to lobby to get the gambling outing moved up one day to Sunday so that I can attend.
i don’t think i can make it sunday, but i’m sure laz wouldn’t mind gambling two days in a row.
Amen, Laz. Hell, Eu, I can’t even hear the crickets. Well, I could if I opened the window, but it’s damn cold outside.
The only silver lining in my case is I don’t know what the hell I want to do and my attention span is very, very short so I find a dream job every third day.