UrbanTherapy.

i love libraries. i love the concept of libraries – that here’s a depository of information and with the right credentials, you can access that information. i love the reality of libraries – i can go in looking for one book and come out with five more. i can research one topic and tangentially find myself on a completely different subject. i can send a message to those in charge that yes, i use the library on a regular basis.

i don’t think i’m alone in this. during my period of un(der)employment, i’ve definitely seen an increase in people using the library. this is awesome.

except…the hours at our local branch have been reduced, just as libraries nationwide have seen a spke in patronage. this means fewer staff to handle a greater number of users at a library branch that’s open ~16 fewer hours a week than it used to be.

remember when libraries weren’t really seen as “cool?” ok, for a bookworm like me, libraries have been cool for as long as i can remember, but for “average” people, not so much. then people “(re)discovered” the library during the recession. “o hai! i can haz books and dvds for free? kthxbai!”

i am not knocking those people. hell, i’m one of those people – i just happened to be an early adopter.

same goes with public transit. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again – there will always be a soft spot in my heart for the cta. both daddy and james worked there for decades. daddy’s cta pension (and later, james’ cta paycheck) helped pay my tuition at northwestern.

i have been riding cta for at least 20 years, if not longer. i know people who are amazed that i go as many places as i do in and around chicago primarily on buses and trains. i’m not alone in this, mind you. there are lots of us who’ve been cta-loyal for years, for myriad reasons.

then, of course, the recession hit. gas prices spiked, people didn’t want to drive as much (also for myriad reasons), and ridership on the cta increased. again, i’ve seen this with my own eyes.

so, of course, service on the cta has been cut, and will be cut again on sunday, barring a last-minute reprieve. perfect sense, right? just like the libraries – cut back while more people are using your services.

i saw a commercial for allstate that asks if the recession has made us great. i don’t know about y’all, but it’s made me kinda bitter. it goes back to the aforementioned early adopter thing. i’ve been clipping coupons and going to the library and riding public transit for years, and yet it’s the “new wave” who are lauded in articles for their thriftiness. am i wrong for thinking that this is some bullshit?

On Twitter I’ve met a number of individuals who are thoughtful, smart, and are a lot more prolific at writing than I am. They are a source of humor and often bring up things to think about.

One of the people I follow wrote this, and it really resounded with me. Suicide, as a topic, very rarely gets broached, with a number of faiths condemning it as a sin punishable by eternal damnation. But what actually makes someone actually think of suicide as an option, much less DO it?

What CBK (the author) does in this article is to examine what would happen to warrant such an act, and I think her summations are meritorious. To even consider suicide is be acknowledge an utter lack of hope, the demise of a sense that things can get better. She speaks of hope, and how one can really keep that in the face of occurrences that would manifest themselves as insurmountable. Spurred by the actions of a friend, she wonders out loud how despair can lead to suicide being an action that is even seen as viable.

I read with interest because I was suicidal for quite a while. And I recognize why now, but CBK put it into words, as well as strategies that could have helped me those years ago.

Odd, but I remember reading something a while ago that said, in part, that “no creative has ever NOT been suicidal.” And it makes sense. Someone who is preoccupied with bringing something new and creative into being likely thinks they’re going it alone, and alone is the worst feeling, but unavoidable when you’re concerned with being the next Gwendolyn Brooks, Toni Morrison, or (in my case) Basquiat.

So thank you for putting down in words what I wish I could have known. Cheers to you, Mrs. CBK.